I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
