Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
