we're blogging at a bar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
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