...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
