I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize