if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
