There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
