you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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