Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
