I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize