I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
