go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The adults are the big ones right?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
