Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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