I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
