yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
