Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
