FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
