you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
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MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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