just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
grandma shit on top of the toilet
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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