you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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