So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
