Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
