break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
