Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
