Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
