last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How external is "for external use only"?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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