you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
