you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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