R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
