As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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