I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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