STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Pants are for mortals
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
