we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
