Where is the hickey?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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