rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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