is your mom at the bar?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
