HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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