I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
