just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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