I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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