I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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