I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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