am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
