You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
