shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
