your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
