Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
