You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
