hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
