Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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