Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
