2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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