While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
