I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
