I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
