She is in my trunk
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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