Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just googled if crying burns calories
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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