Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
