It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
