I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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