The maid of honor just puked.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
