What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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