so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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