One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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