so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
